Like any cat, I spend most of my day sleeping, so I'll be wide awake for nocturnal fun and games at the witching hour. And like most cats, when I sleep, I dream. Mostly, I dream of the adventures I'll devise when Miss Jerrianne forgets to close the door or put the lid down or lock me in my kennel while she's away. She's been diligent so far, but sooner or later, humans being fallible creatures (unlike cats!), she will surely forget.

If the doors were left open, I'd explore every nook and cranny, indoors and out. I'd raid the refrigerator and sample all the good things inside. I'd drink milk and eat fish and smear butter on everything. I'd spill stuff and walk through the puddles and leave tracks all over the place. I'd jump up on top of the refrigerator, push everything onto the floor and curl up for a nice, long nap on top, because it's so comfortably warm.

I'd play in the trash cans, strewing litter and tissue all over the house. I'd shred my soft blankets with sharp teeth and claws, leaving little cottony tufts on the carpet. I'd zoom up the drapes and hang out on the curtain rods. I'd nibble asparagus fern fronds and swing from the chandelier. I'd race through the house, setting new speed records for transiting the pass through window, knocking over objects that got in my way.

I'd shove all my twist ties under the stove. I'd hide strainers from bathtub drains under the covers in Miss Jerrianne's bed and stuff my fur rat in her shoe. I'd wedge catnip mice under the vacuum cleaner and see how long it took her to find them. I'd ignore my scratching post and find handy subsitutes. I'd pull books off the shelf by the little satin ribbons hanging down. Then I'd push lots more books down on top of them.

I'd leap on the washer and dryer, spilling soap flakes and fabric softener. I'd nap on the water heater and climb pipes to hang dryer sheet festoons. In the darkroom, I'd knock chemical bottles and boxes into the sink and onto the floor. I'd jump onto the enlarger and splash water around.

I'd sleep on the light table and leave cat hair on all the slides in the light room. I'd pounce on the fax machine's keyboard, sending faxes at random. I'd make long distance calls with the speaker phone on. I'd prance on computer keyboards, erase a few files, lock up programs and send e-mail spam to Miss Jerrianne's friends and associates all over the world.

I'd climb seamless backgrounds in the studio, leaving claw marks clear to the ceiling. I'd tip over light stands, push small, precious objects off tables, scatter pencils and pens, walk on ink pads and spill paper clips. I'd lick all the stamps, pasting them on the wrong envelopes in the wrong places. I'd chew on the earpieces of her eyeglasses and let them fall on the floor. I'd hide her wireless mouse and tug on her laptop cables.

I'd escape out the front door, with no harness or tags. I'd climb birch trees and chase chickadees through the branches. I'd leap onto snow covered spruce boughs to catch magpies. I'd ride piggyback on the Rottweiler next door. If he barked, I'd hiss and scatch his nose with my claws 'til he hollered "Uncle!" I'd tiptoe along fence tops, dig up flowerbeds, play in traffic and leave pawprints on cars. I'd prowl the whole neighborhood.

I dream of adventures milady can't begin to imagine. I dream of colossal messes I'd make and how I'd chase the broom and the mop as Miss Jerrianne cleaned up after me. I dream of chasing toy mice she tosses up and down stairs all night long. I dream of running free, acting wild and jumping into an inviting lap for snuggles and treats. I dream of being a frolicsome imp to the end of my days. I'd never grow up!