My stars! I hardly know where to begin. First I read that Miss Jerrianne has joined the staff of The Bulletin, as their Alaska correspondent, while I am ignored completely, though everyone knows The Miss Kitty Letters are all about me. Anyone can see that without me, Miss Jerrianne would have nothing to write about. I dictate. Miss Jerrianne types. 'Nuff said!

But that's just the beginning! In the midweek edition of The Bulletin, Miss Hetty Hooper (the family snooper!) accused "the newest member of our staff" of sending a naughty casino picture of Miss Hetty and her boyfriend to the editor. Let me tell you, I was shocked! Shocked!

Why that story has plausible deniability stamped all over it ... everybody knows pussycats don't take pictures. (You should ALL be grateful for that!) And Miss Jerrianne didn't take that picture, either. I'm quite sure of it. She stuffs me into my kennel sometimes and sneaks out for an hour or two without me, but it takes a lot longer than a couple of hours to make it from Alaska to North Dakota and back to Anchorage. Miss Jerrianne says she hasn't been to Fargo for 30 or 40 years. She doesn't remember exactly.

One thing is abundantly clear from this family snooper story: I must begin first person reporting of the Miss Kitty adventures to ensure proper credit. I offered to type them, too ... not a problem, I thought, as Miss Jerrianne's computer has two keyboards ... one for her and one for me. Unfortunately, Miss Jerrianne doesn't see it that way. As soon as I set foot on a keyboard (preferably on a volume key to make it go beep!) she says, "NO! That's not for kitty cats." (I must hear those awful words a dozen times a day!)

Miss Jerrianne has even threatened to install PawSense on her PowerBook to "cat proof" the computer ... to catch me in the act if I touch those keyboards and alarm me with rude noises. It's an empty threat, I think. I read on the web site at www.bitboost.com/pawsense/ that PawSense isn't available for Macintosh computers yet ... it's only for PCs ... and Miss Jerrianne doesn't do Windows.

Now that's what I call sneaky snooping! Why I read that Chris Niswander was awarded one of those "Ig Nobel" prizes (Computer Science in 2000), which are given for "achievements that cannot or should not be reproduced" ... "for inventing PawSense, software that detects when a cat is walking across your computer keyboard." Serves him right, I say!

www.improbable.com/ig/ig-top.html

But I digress. What really concerns me about snooping is the possibility of web cams ... surveillance cameras ... being installed in the kitchen and dining room so Miss Jerrianne can spy on me from her computer while I'm exploring. She is wondering how a sticky label from the pass through window sill found its way onto the bedroom floor ... not to mention how a few things from the top of the refrigerator ended up all over the kitchen.

And Miss Hetty, you should know that in spite of my umbrage, I'm totally sympathetic to your plight. When it comes to embarrassing pictures, you wouldn't believe how upset I've been about being caught in the act of grooming my tail. I mean, somebody has to groom my tail. If that photo got posted to my blog, it would be a catastrophe! I'd just die! BTW, you can read about my first two months of adventures here on my blog anytime.

Miss Kitty